Stop reading life advice. Except maybe this.

I turned 45 the other day. My first instinct was to write one of those "45 lessons I've learned" posts that flood your feed every time someone hits a milestone birthday. You know the type, you’ve seen it everywhere. That earnest, over-explained wisdom packaged in a neat numerical list, designed to make the author sound like they’ve meditated with the priests in the Himalayas, while telling you things you already know.

I hate most of it. I tolerate some of it. And very few that I actually read. Tip: if they’re younger than you, more often than not, you can ignore it. Anyway, what’s wrong with most life advice, you ask. It's packaged, explained, justified, and sanitized to the point of uselessness. It treats complex truths like motivational Instagram captions.

So instead, here's a chaotic brain dump of thoughts. There are no explanations, neat categories, or guru-speak, just raw ingredients for you to cook with in whatever way makes sense for your life. And most likely, the gaps between these thoughts (the unsaid) are where the actual wisdom lives. Sorry.

Just fcking go for it. Overthinking is paralysis. Do more, think less. Be shameless. Be fearless. Be weird. Go nuts. Go big energy. Nobody's watching you. Play games. Not silly games. Dance if you have to. Dance badly, weirdly. Life is yours to define. Life is yours to live. Don't consume crap. Crap isn't Netflix. Crap is brainrot. And yes, you know it when you're eating from the crap buffet. Get sun. Touch grass. Eat well. Sleep well. Sleep on time. And not on the couch. Drink water. Move your body. Sweat. Get your heart racing. Lift weights. Get stronger. Stretch. Thank your body. Be organized. Be consistent. Be connected. Be disconnected. Project manage life viciously. Protect your time. Your life depends on it. Time is finite. Be kind. Be free. Be wild. Be strict with yourself. Know your values. Don't perform. Live. Perfection is procrastination in disguise. Laugh a lot. A lot of the time. Give freely. Uplift others. Life is better slow. You miss the view when you're constantly racing. Don't cruise control through life. You miss the view when you're in sleep mode. Don't stress when it's out of your control. Don't stress when it's in your control. Do something about it. Have diverse friends. Adopt an open mindset. Be patient. Everyone acts from their place in life. Their growth. Their conditioning. Yes, you are conditioned. Doesn't mean you are controlled. Your opinions have been formed from the world you interact with. Seek experiences. A lot of them. It opens the heart and mind. Empathy can't be learned. It comes when you go to war with the world. Not through existing but through living. Live deep and wide. Prepare to be wrong. You’ll be wrong most of the time. Don’t be afraid. Nobody cares. Don't penny pinch. But don't be extravagant. Do the right thing. Do a lot of the wrong things to find the right thing. Do more of the things that give you energy. Be around people who get you high. Not ones that suck you dry. Try shit. Fck around and find out. Learn. Always be learning. Experiment. Be open. Love. Health. Happiness. Peace. Family. Friends. Your people. Prioritize these. Yes, wealth too. But enough to live your rich life. Not fcking comparisonitis. Your entire life will be an anxious hellhole if you're constantly comparing. Your race, your pace, your place. The universe will never conspire to help you achieve anything. You make your universe. You are the universe. And you make it happen. Know the difference between friends and acquaintances. Have the ability to identify the latter quickly. Compromise comes with a cost. Know the worth. You'll get hurt. You'll fall on your face. You'll be disfigured in the worst way. Get up. Dust it off. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Technology is real. Don't fall behind. Have your pulse on the relevant. People portray times as the worst it has ever been. It's yours to decide. Know the world. But don't consume the world. Goes back to how you want to live this life. Terribly. Or one with amazement, curiosity, and wonder.

The thing about advice is that it's always partial, incomplete, and missing context. Which is the case here as well. What worked for me might fail spectacularly for you. What saved you might destroy someone else. The above isn't advice, it's just a buffet of thoughts at 45. I’m sure it’ll change (as it should). So, take what resonates, ignore what doesn't.

What would you add? Reply with your thoughts — no explanations needed. I'll share the best ones in next week’s newsletter.

Two articles, one on resentment and the other on minor annoyances. These affect all of us. If you’re saying “not me,” you’re lying.

Leave the hurt behind! How to let go of the grudge.

It was an early lesson, he says, in trying to view a situation from someone else’s perspective, and how that might have changed his own experience. “Everyone has their own way of looking at a situation, and you need to open your mind a bit and understand it’s not black and white. In the first instance, maybe there’s a good reason why you should have a grudge – because you need space, or time, to come to terms with something – but after a while, the longer you hold it, the more bitter and self-defeating it becomes.”

Why small annoyances can harm us more than big disruptions

Have you ever had that feeling in life when you pause to look around, and realise you don’t like what you see? Maybe you’ve been working in a vacuous job for years, renting in a noisy neighbourhood, or recognise that your romantic partnership has been devoid of connection for some time. How did I find myself here, you might wonder, how have I let this discontent last for so long? It’s as if you got stuck or complacent to such an extent that you’ve ended up languishing in a situation that you’re not happy in, sometimes for years. Why didn’t you act?

There’s a somewhat forgotten idea from psychology that can help explain why. It’s called the region-beta paradox, and it describes a common error people can make in predicting how long distress will last in response to a scenario. Everyone puts up with mild annoyances each day whether it be at your job, with your family, your habits, your living environment or your body. You brush them off, thinking: this isn’t so bad, so it can’t affect me for very long. I’m not going to move apartments over a lack of natural light, or quit my job because my boss sends emails Friday nights at 10 pm. These complaints are minor, how much distress could they cause me over time? It’s not like my apartment has bed bugs, or my boss screams at me.

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That’s it for this week.

Stay safe,

Parves

Comment, reply, whatever – I read everything.